Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy provides a way to get right to the roots of symptoms and start resolving them. However, the goal is not simply fixing problems but accessing an empowered inner state that is consistently relaxed, compassionate and curious. From this empowered state we can be both agents of our own healing and connect to others in a way that is relaxed, engaged, and authentic to who we truly are.
Key Concepts
- Complex Mind: The IFS model views the mind/brain as a complex system that holds multiple thoughts, feelings, and perspectives simultaneously. For example, part of me feels stressed, another part wants to eat chocolate to feel a little better, and a third part wants to look for better solutions. Sometimes these different perspectives compete, but part of the goal is greater teamwork where the unique gifts and perspectives of each part work together for the good of all.
- Core Self: Concept that at the core of each one of us always resides a “core self” that remains undamaged, capable, and compassionate no matter what we’ve been through. When we connect to this core state, healing and life flow more freely to those we relate to both internally and externally.
- Extreme Roles vs Natural/Preferred Roles: IFS suggests that parts of us have natural roles at birth, but can get stuck in extreme roles based on painful experiences in our lives.
- Exiles: Some parts carry pain, emotions, negative beliefs from negative experiences we weren’t able to process. These wounded parts tend to get suppressed, managed, and “exiled” by the protective parts of our system.
- Managers: The first type of protective parts are managers. Manager parts work proactively to “manage” our lives in such a way as to prevent exiles from getting hurt or activated. Managers develop strategies and solutions that tend to be somewhat rigid. Examples include always knowing the right answer to avoid shame, people pleasing to avoid conflict, penny pinching to avoid scarcity and so on.
- Firefighters: The second type of protectors are firefighters. Firefighter parts step in reactively after emotions like shame, sadness, loneliness, etc. held by exiles have gotten stirred up by life. Like real firefighters, their goal is to suppress pain and unwanted feelings as quickly as possible. Their solutions tend to be short sighted since their job is immediate relief not long term fixes. Examples of firefighter activity include stress eating, numbing out to a screen, substance use, risky behaviors, compulsive shopping, and so on.
Process
IFS provides a unique way to:
- Get to know the parts that are operating in one’s life,
- Un-blend from them and access the power and perspective of the core self.
- Through the compassionate interaction between self and parts to care for each part and help it release its extreme role and get back to its healthy/natural role.
The first part of the work involves developing awareness and trust between protective parts and the self. As the protective parts learn that there is a capable core self who can handle things they allow the self to begin working with the wounded parts in the system (the exiles). As exiled parts are cared for with compassion by the core self and unburdened from the pain and extreme beliefs they have carried, they begin to shift back into their natural state typically as relaxed, playful kid parts. For example, a young part that carries shame once unburdened now feels good about herself and becomes a source of joy when activated. As exiles are healed, their protectors are then able to unburden from the hard work of managing and suppressing feelings and shift into their natural roles. For example a vigilant protector decides he can relax and take on his more natural role as an explorer or adventurer. There is no end to the creative outcomes parts come up with once they feel free to let go of the old burdens.
Outcomes
The overall outcome of Internal Family Systems work is a more relaxed internal system where parts are more free to live into their natural roles. This tends to result in a person having more playfulness, flexibility, compassion, freedom, and joy. Once clients get the hang of the process in therapy I find that many of them start spontaneously working with their own systems–getting to know parts stuck in extreme roles, un-blending, accessing self, and engaging the work of unburdening. Ultimately the IFS process increases one’s capacity to relate to people in the outside world from a more authentic, relaxed, and connected state.
Integrating IFS with Other Models
Internal Family Systems tends to integrate well with virtually every other kind of therapy model that I use. Weaving in particular IFS type interventions in the middle of a conversation or an EMDR session is extremely helpful for completing some processing work. IFS helps make sense of internal conflicts, “irrational beliefs” and so much more. The larger IFS framework provides an extremely helpful map for understanding the internal landscape which helps clients and I figure out why things may be getting stuck. For example, if a memory is not processing in EMDR it often seems that there is not internal agreement among parts that it is ok to proceed with this memory. Stopping to listen to the concerns of the parts blocking the process is critical. Once the concerns are understood a plan can be made for how to proceed in a way that the relevant parts all feel good about.
IFS Therapy and Memory Reconsolidation
The IFS model seems to effectivey promote memory reconsolidation which is one of the most fundamental brain processes at play in basically every trauma therapy that resolves traumatic experiences. Memory reconsolidation requires an experiential mismatch between two things that can’t simultaneously be true. For example, when a person is connected to the compassion and confidence of their core self and simultaneously visualize connecting to young kid part of them in a memory where they felt alone it creates a mismatch in the brain. They both feel the young alone feeling in the memory and the deep love and compassion flowing from their core self. As they sit with these mismatching feelings, the brain starts to update. It can’t simultaneously be true that they are alone and that they are loved. After a few moments, where before they felt alone and unimportant in this memory context, now they feel connected and valued.
Reach Out and Get Started on Your Own Journey
If you are interested in exploring the possibility of integrating Internal Family Systems into your therapy work please don’t hesitate to give Andrew Ross a call.
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